I want to stick my p in your. b.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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