life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
