Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
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No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
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Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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