So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
