VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
