the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
