I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
