just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
