but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
