that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
