a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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