I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
