The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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