No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
