I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
