I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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