I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
