My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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