I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
