p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
