White coat. Heels.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
