Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
