the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
