Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Boobs are out for the taking
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
