failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
