I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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