It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
