Fine. I'll sleep in my office
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
