My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
