i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So here I am, sexting at work.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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