What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
