Texts From Last Night

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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Who isn't?

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  (770): Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims. (404): Who isn't? http://tfl.nu/hgp5
  Replies (27) Good night (2802) Bad night (807)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot

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  (214): I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot http://tfl.nu/eus9
  Replies (14) Good night (4541) Bad night (1109)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.

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  (716): Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time. http://tfl.nu/ytyv
  Replies (79) Good night (7388) Bad night (1401)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.

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  (484): We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision. http://tfl.nu/lzhl
  Replies (18) Good night (1199) Bad night (3679)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome

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  (208): When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome http://tfl.nu/r1ky
  Replies (17) Good night (3844) Bad night (1720)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.

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  (440): He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am. http://tfl.nu/6rv7
  Replies (13) Good night (4137) Bad night (779)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'

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  (636): The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.' http://tfl.nu/hueh
  Replies (10) Good night (1045) Bad night (4395)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.

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  (570): I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison. http://tfl.nu/ax4a
  Replies (13) Good night (2499) Bad night (1452)
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  (983): View more from

  I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again

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  (983): I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again http://tfl.nu/uu1t
  Replies (11) Good night (606) Bad night (2418)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.

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  (815): I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost. http://tfl.nu/ucyv
  Replies (7) Good night (1963) Bad night (639)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.

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  (479): Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine. http://tfl.nu/rrcc
  Replies (3) Good night (1863) Bad night (583)
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  (258): View more from

  You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.

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  (258): You told me my blanket felt like ground beef. http://tfl.nu/qi5j
  Replies (3) Good night (344) Bad night (692)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.

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  (440): Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis. http://tfl.nu/4osl
  Replies (4) Good night (728) Bad night (255)
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.

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  (928): He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart. http://tfl.nu/tciz
  Replies (4) Good night (1151) Bad night (236)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.

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  (904): You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on. http://tfl.nu/d3w2
  Replies (0) Good night (473) Bad night (146)

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