She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"