I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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