hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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