I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
