you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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