just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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