Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
