You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
