It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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