shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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