Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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