You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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