I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I need to stop coming to work sober
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
