plz talk dirty to me
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
false alarm, still single
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
