I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
