WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
