Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
