I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
