its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I got inside last night via doggy door
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
