I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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