i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
