you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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