Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
