why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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