one word: firstdatebathroomanal
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
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Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
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You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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