"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
