they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I need a beard to bite.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
