This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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