I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
