how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
As shirtless as possible
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
