I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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