I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
