I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
