All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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