Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
