What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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