Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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