The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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