I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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